Storm Warning, Run to the Rock

storm-warnings

The vision of our oneness lingered in the background forever promising things to come.  But, Mikes’ and my relationship continued on shaky ground.  As our church plant grew, the tensions at home increased as well.  In July 1990, the undercurrent of anger, fear, and distrust erupted.  I felt the first tremors in June.   Here are some of my journal notes:

Sarah (who was now ten years old), and I got up early to mow the front and back lawn. A surprise for Mike.  We all seem to be getting along okay. Still, forever there remains an undercurrent of tension, fear, distrust, anger.

Mike is reading “Love Must Be Tough,” by James Dobson.  I’ve been reading along with him while he’s at work.  The whole focus of the book is how to turn around adulterous husbands or wives.

The chapter he just finished recommends creating a crisis and demanding changes or else.  His possible belief that I was in adultery causes me fear, anger, and utter frustration.  God, I feel like I can’t seek advice from anyone but You.  Nor can I in any way ‘save’ this situation.  How long will Satan continue to cloud the truth in our hearts?  Lord, HELP, now!!!

A week later, our church group hosted a prophetic minister from England, Tony Fitzgerald.  He shared a message with us and then started speaking prophetically to some of us.  I longed to hear something from the Lord but wasn’t sure what He would say.

Tony walked down the row of seats and stopped in front of me. He took my hand and started speaking, “I believe the Lord is saying to you tonight that the ache has been great.  The ache is so great in your heart tonight. It’s affecting your personal relationships and family and someone close to you.”

I believe the Lord is saying to you tonight, “You’re coming into the land that’s flowing with milk and honey.  God wants you to live there and trust Him to take care of the rest.  Because you are not the Deliverer, He’s the Deliverer.  You must not judge and not condemn.  God’s the Deliverer.  Just pray and trust.  I feel that there’s family wholeness coming your way in the land that flows with milk and honey.   Not back in Egypt.  Now rest in that.  Believe and reach out.  It’s not up to us to push.  God set Jesus at the door of people’s lives.”

Tony moved on to the next person.  I knew God spoke those words because Tony didn’t know me or anything about me.  I also knew that Egypt was about the church I left.  God had told me before that He was taking me out of Egypt into the promised land.

Two days later, Mike was in another ‘blue funk.’ I caught him reading “Love Must Be Tough,” again.  He was almost to the end of the book.  I was grateful.  My pastor called twice that evening, two brief conversations about teaching Sunday school.

By bedtime, Mike was not speaking. Rather than press into conversation, I scribbled out this prayer in my journal:

“Lord, I know that I am not the Deliverer, You are.  I also know You are leading me into the Promised Land.  More than anything I want to experience freedom and fulfillment for myself and my family.  Show me how to live in this new land.  Show me how to relate to Mike in the midst of all this. I love him so much, but it’s hard to know what to do.  I don’t know whether to stay home with him or go to church.  Lord, show me Your will.”  Then I went to bed and slept in peace.

The next day I was thinking about tension. I felt if I opened my mouth it would only stir more trouble. So, after supper, I put on a jacket and headed out the back door.  Mike and Sarah were in the living room glued to the news.  No one noticed my leaving.

I passed the barn and continued down the hill around the pond and past the garden.  I kept walking until I reached the back fence line.

Picking my way through the weeds, I found a clear spot to lie down on my back.

Finally, I let go of the river of pain inside.  I rolled over on my side and crumpled into a fetal position and cried and cried.

“God where are You?  Help!  Is this marriage every going to be whole?  I’m doing what I believe You told me to do, but it is causing so much turmoil.  I never meant to hurt Mike, and I don’t believe he wants to hurt me.  Still, we are.  We are both hurting the other.”

I rolled over on my back again and stared at the sky overhead.  Tears continued to run, pooling in both ears.

“Why does following You have to be so hard?  Am I following You?”  The question hung in the air.  “God, can You hear me?  Are You here?”

A flock of geese flew over, honking as they made their way to the large pond on the neighbor’s property.  What a blessing it would be to be a goose, I thought.  How I would love to catch wind and sail over the countryside without a worry.

I continued to lie there listening for a response.  The smell of earth and fresh cut grass filled my senses, but no words of counsel came.

The tears stopped, and the muscles in my arms and neck started to relax as Peace wrapped His arms around me and the war inside ceased.

“Oh, God, I love You so much.  Where would I be without You?  I trust You to lead me.  If I am going the wrong way, I know You will turn me around.  Show me how to love Mike in ways that will bless him.  Show me Your will.” I said.  “That’s all I need to know, that I am in Your will.”

I got up and brushed myself off and headed back up the hill.  Maybe Mike and Sarah would like some popcorn.

~~ How About You? ~~

When the storm clouds of life are threatening, where do you go?  Do you call a friend, your mom, your dad?  Do you try to drown your fears in drugs, alcohol, food or other addictions?  How about a shopping spree, hours on Facebook, or video games?  Won’t they send your fears packing for a bit?

I love this old song written by Dottie Rambo called, “I Go to the Rock.”

Where do I go when there’s nobody else to turn to?
Who do I talk to when nobody wants to listen?
Who do I lean on when there’s no foundation stable?

I go to the rock
I know he’s able
I go to the rock

I go to the rock for my salvation
I go to the stone that the builders rejected
I run to the mountain and the mountain stands by me

When the Earth all around me is sinking sand
On Christ, the solid rock I stand
When I need a shelter, when I need a friend
I go to the rock

Where do I go, where do I go
When the storms of life are threatening?
Who do I turn to when those winds of sorrow blow?
And is there a refuge in the time of tribulation?

I go to the rock
I know He’s able
I go to the rock

I know He’s the rock for my salvation
I know He’s the stone that the builders rejected
I run to the mountain and the mountain stands by me

When the Earth all around me is sinking sand
On Christ, the solid rock I stand
When I need a shelter, when I need a friend
I go to the rock

I know He’s the rock for my salvation
I know He’s the stone that the builders rejected
I run to the mountain and the mountain stands by me

When the Earth all around me is sinking sand
On Christ, the solid rock I stand
When I need a shelter, when I need a friend
I go to the rock

I go to the rock
I go to the rock
I go to the rock
I go to the rock

Written by Dottie Rambo • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group

Psalm 61:1-4 has a similar message:

Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

If storms are brewing in your life, I encourage you to run to the Rock.  Pour out your heart.  Be honest.  He already knows every detail but He wants us to realize that He is your help and He is waiting for your cry.  He will answer you.  He will choose what He deems best.  Sometimes it won’t be with words but His presence.  Other times it may be through a song on the radio, a bumper sticker, a scripture that leaps off the page of a Bible that’s been lying open on your table for weeks. He never runs out of ways to make His will known.  His timing may not be yours and the answer may not be either, but what is best, will be.  Run to the Rock.

2 thoughts on “Storm Warning, Run to the Rock

  1. TY for the reminder. I just gotta go back and keep reminding myself that THE ROCK is always there and my one and only solid foundation in the ebb and flow of life circumstances. Yet one more blessed word–appreciate each one.

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